


In front of the lights

by ca_te



Category: Nabari no Ou
Genre: M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-08
Updated: 2010-09-08
Packaged: 2017-10-11 14:34:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/113476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ca_te/pseuds/ca_te
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Miharu's and Yoite's thoughts about each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written on 19 February 2009. One part is from Yoite's POV and the other from Miharu's.

I'm sitting here, and the city lights are blinking in front of me, I always sit here when I think of you. Of course you don't know but I think about you a lot. And there has never been such a huge place for anyone before…not in my heart, not in my mind, not in my life.

Sometimes when I think this kind of things I feel bad…'cause you know may be it is wrong to be so attached to only one person and not care enough for the others.

You're similar to me and yet different, 'cause you do care for all the ones who are around us, I just care for you. I don't know where you're now, I guess we'll meet again, but still…it hurts, it shouldn't but it does. It hurts to remember your skin, your breath on my neck and your light kisses. I think I've never found anything as light as you in my life, and it makes me afraid. 'cause actually you can fly away from me at any moment. May be you want to fly away from me. You wanted it at the beginning and maybe nothing has changed.

I shiver in the night air as the lights of Banten tremble in front of me.

They are orange.

I remember how you slowly reached for my hand, how my heart went insane, but as always I tried to keep my face calm and my eyes still. You know, when I'm with you I really try hard to show myself, so that you can touch the real me, so that you can kiss the real me but sometimes I'm afraid it will make you go away, I don't want you to go away because of the pain. That's why till that day I had always avoid to take your hand, to touch you, to show you what happened inside of me when you were there. But then…then you touched me that first time and now I don't think I'll be able to restrain anymore…

They are white.

I can feel your fingers tracing the contours of my eyes, of my nose, of my lips. You were so delicate, as if you thought you could break me and yet your touches were so full to me. I still can feel them on my face, as I can still smell your scent.

They are blue.

I remember your silence. It makes it difficult to see you, to find you but yet it is what builds up every moment I spend with you. It helps me learning how to feel you, with out something so untruthful as words. Your silences are what give sense to my life right now.

They are yellow.

And I want you, so badly I want to scream, but I won't.

I want to learn the kind of silence you live in, 'cause I want to be closer.

My heart speeds up and I wonder if yours also does it when you think of me.

They are pink.

I remember what I saw in your eyes that night, and I've to sit down, 'cause still it makes me tremble. There was such a sweetness I felt like crying, but then there was fear. I wished I could wash it away.

They are green.

And now I remember something else, there were also my eyes reflected into yours.

I smile in the darkness of the night, in front of the blinking lights, and I feel your fingers and I let them caress me.


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is from Yoite's POV.

It's hot in here…I suppose, 'cause Yukimi has just turned on the air conditioning. I sit in front of the huge window that you've never seen.

I don't really like the city lights, I've always thought that they ruin the night.

But somehow now they make me think of you.

I hold my knees against my chest, and I'm afraid 'cause I can count my bones out. Once I wanted to be taken away from the wind, just be so light that the wind could have carried me away.

Now I want my feet to be glued to the ground.

I still don't understand if it is something good.

I keep the coat near to my body as neon lights flash down, along the road.

I don't know if it's right, of course it will hurt so bad in the end…but still I want to see you, to touch you again. That night, few days ago, continues to repeat over and over here in my scattered mind.

You looked so frail I was afraid to break you.

Has anyone told you how mesmerizing your eyes can be? May be I'll tell you, I wonder if it will make you smile.

I let my eyes sink in the lemonade Yukimi made to me before going to bed. He sure sleeps a lot. Me…I have never slept very much, and now that you're on my mind is useless to try.

I press my hands against the hot mug and I feel my cheeks become hotter too as I think that you saw my hands that night. I wonder what you thought as this ruined skin touched yours.

I remember it was fresh and soft. Really it's absurd that while my eyes and ears are becoming so numb my fingers still can feel all these things.

It means I'll have to touch you a lot, I guess.

Cars pass by, running along the road, I see the lights approaching and then in few seconds they're not there anymore.

I really don't know when I'll see you again, I know it will happen of course, in the end I've told you that I'll kill your friends…

Suddenly whistles explode in my ears and I feel pain somewhere inside me, may be some of my organs, I've lost count of the ones that are not working properly anymore. The strange thing is that above all, more than the aches that the Kira has brought to me what makes me sick now is the idea that you stay with me only because of that stupid threat.

I've always said to myself that it was just to convince you to help me with this fool desire, and you know? Although I don't like words I really talk a lot to myself, I've always done it, since I was just a little shinigami closed inside a basement, and I've always been good at doing it, but then…

then you came.

And although I've tried to convince myself I've always known that I've sad it 'cause I was, I am, afraid of being rejected. So many people have just rejected me but you, if you're going to do it…the simple idea of it makes me want to fly away again and just get lost somewhere.

That's why that night my heart bit so fast, 'cause you remained there, still under my touch.

I wonder what kind of god you're, 'cause surely you're not just an ordinary human being, otherwise the sensations you gave to me wouldn't have remained attached to my skin, still fogging my mind.

I have never kissed anyone before you, and may be you already know it.

What I want to make you understand is that I won't kiss anybody else after you.

Now there are few cars passing and some lights went off but I'm still sitting here, the smell of the lemonade filling the air, as I remember that sparkling in your eyes.

I know that you try to hide, that's why I won't say to you what I saw inside that green, but I've treasured it.

So I can take it out in moment like this, and let it drip slowly inside me, here in front of the lights.

And you know? You're the only one who makes me feel allowed to have some peace, just few crumbs, but sure is enough.

So I sit, in silence, immersed in the peace you gave me that night, thinking about you, little god of my new little world, here in front of the lights.


End file.
